May 28, 2012
Chances are, you’re not in your office today; rather, you’re participating in some activities in recognition of Memorial Day. Its origins trace back to the end of the Civil War, when the fallen were honored. Though focused on those who died, veterans and active duty are often applauded in church services and community events during this holiday weekend. I hope you took a moment to reflect…
As you turn the calendar page, two big themes hover over the month that connects the Memorial Day holiday to the 4th of July: like balloons tethered to June, “Dads and Grads” turn our focus from America to the American family. Kids finishing school – and, dads who helped them do it – are now in view. You’ve got big business demands as you wrap up Q2 of your work calendar… but, what will you have to give to the conversations surrounding your family relationships this month?
In the next few inches, let me give you the framework for a Commencement Speech that you could give to a graduate you’ll be with during the next few weeks. They might not have listened to the dignitary who gave the Speech-of-the-Century at their stadium, but they might listen to you. Now that they’re packin’ an expensive degree (2011 average student debt: $23,000), what didn’t they learn?
Here’s what you might say to enhance their chances for a desirable life: “Now that you’re one of us – the grown-ups, who are no longer defined by their campus and curriculum – how do you move forward?” Four key themes:
- Find your Context: Figure out where you live, and get established there. It’s first; nothing tops this. Will your context be an industry? A company? A metropolitan area? A church? A group of friends? A family? The borders defined by your choice will narrow your field of view for your future choices; the quality of your life will be affected by your answer. Choose well.
- Find your Career: What you do for money will, for most people, represent the largest slice in the pie chart of their time. The environment that surrounds you in your career will marinate you in values and philosophies that will define you, so your choice on this point includes more than just income and perquisites as factors in the formula. Recognize the tensions between this track and the other three.
- Find your Collaborator: “Mate” sounds way too biological; “Partner” sounds too politically- charged. Your spouse will become your most important relationship; it isn’t a part-time, or a revolving-door, or a limited-definition hire. Your covenant completer, your soul-mate, your human recruit to play co-star in your life story is a pursuit that is not delayed by incidental life issues. Don’t wait until your career settles, or until you can afford it; don’t ruin your future through intimacy compromises that offer short-term panacea for a deeper longing. Get married.
- Find your Calling: This one presumes that you’ve already found the Caller. God calls… but he waits for us to answer. Make faith a solid foundation for all of your life… but, as you progress in that faith, realize that God will allow you to feel a longing that is not satiated by Context, Career or Collaborator. Answering the “why am I here, really?” question is the Ultimate discovery that many/most never address. It won’t come easy… but the best things in life never will. Live – and, grow – through the choices in the Context, Career and Collaborator sectors, knowing that God is watching, and will reveal what comes next, when you’re ready…
That’s my gift to the grads in your life, through you. In two weeks – before Father’s Day – I’ll give you some dad-thoughts to consider…
Bob Shank