June 20, 2011
Dear Marketplace Friend,
If you’re a dad, Happy (belated) Father’s Day. If you’re a man – but, not a dad – allow me to talk about something you experienced (your dad), but have not yet passed along (your fathering). Ladies: this week, you’re spectators, not targets…
My pastor, Dave Mitchell, pulled a great manifesto into his Father’s Day message yesterday:
Once upon a time, men wore the pants, and wore them well. Women rarely had to open doors and little old ladies never crossed the street alone. Men took charge because that’s what they did. But somewhere along the way, the world decided it no longer needed men. Disco by disco, latte by foamy non-fat latte, men were stripped of their khaki’s and left stranded on the road between boyhood and androgyny. But today, there are questions our genderless society has no answers for. The world sits idly by and cities crumble, children misbehave and those little old ladies remain on one side of the street. For the first time since bad guys, we need heroes. We need grown-ups. We need men to put down the plastic fork, step away from the salad bar and untie the world from the tracks of complacency. It’s time to get your hands dirty. It’s time to answer the call of manhood. It’s time to wear the pants.
That isn’t a Scripture text, it’s part of a new marketing campaign from Dockers. It captures some of what the Wall Street Journal addressed last month under the headline, “Where Have All the Good Men Gone?” From the opening paragraph: “ Today, most men in their 20s hang out in a novel sort of limbo, a hybrid state of semi-hormonal adolescence and responsible self-reliance. This ‘pre-adulthood’ has much to recommend it, especially for the college-educated. But it’s time to state what has become obvious to legions of frustrated young women: It doesn’t bring out the best in men…”
Allow me to state the obvious: we have a man-crisis in America today, and the culture is suffering from the absence of men being men. At the core of the cause: men not being men, as fathers.
Ask Rosie O’Donnell about the need for fathers in the family system, and watch out. She has concluded that men are simply sperm producers, unnecessary for the development of healthy children. Where does that come from? According to Richard Cohen, MA, the Director of the International Healing Foundation: “In her book, Finding Me, Rosie recalls being estranged from her dad while growing up. He was unable to allow his daughter to express her deeper feelings and support her growth. He was also overwhelmed raising five children alone. Rosie has a negative view of men based upon the relationship with her dad and being sexually abused…”
Cheri and I previewed a movie for our grandkids a couple of weeks ago: Kung Fu Panda 2. Animated children’s fare; nothing deep there, right? Without giving away the plot, the hero ( Po) and the villain (Shen) spend 91 minutes in a “good vs. evil” struggle, and both of them are motivated by unresolved father issues. Are dads important to their families… and, to society?
Father’s Day is great… but there are 364 other days in the year that are fathering days. Those days are the make-or-break days for a family… and, for our culture. Our Economy is sick; our Families are sicker. The politicians can claim power over the Economy (misguided); the politicians have little or no power to transform the Family (Weiner, Edwards, Ensign, Sanford, Schwarzenegger). What to do?
In the Fall, we’re going to pilot a spin-off of The Master’s Program for young men (single, under 30). We’re going to help them figure out how to Wear the Pants. We’ll keep you informed…
This week, I’m alone with my 13 year old grandson, in the High Sierras. I’m helping his dad (one of my great sons-in-law) in the manhood mentoring department. Practicing what I preach…
Bob Shank